![]() Our negative assessment of that person comes from our biases, past experiences, opinions, core values, etc. “They’re incompetent.” “They’re lying.” “They’ve got it in for me.” “They don’t care.” “They’ve got hidden agendas.”īut the reality is that we don’t know their internal motives in this particular situation. When something we’re told feels harsh or incorrect, it’s easy to make negative assumptions about that person. I find that this effort is often rewarded with useful insights that wouldn’t have been shared if I’d impatiently cut them short. If they waffle, use the occasional question to focus them a bit, but avoid manipulation. Encourage them with nods, appropriate eye contact and back channel signals such as “mhm”, “yes”, “aha”, “uh-huh”, “go on” and “that makes sense”. Don’t interrupt them or finish their sentences. In both one-to-one and group situations, some people take time to share their views. And listen by asking respectful questions. Occupy yourself by trying to observe any important etiquette that’s in action. If it’s your first time with a group, realise that you’re a guest and prudently take a backseat until invited to engage more fully. Then others will listen in kind as you share yours. Ask questions to inform yourself of people’s views on the current topic. In group situations, don’t feel obliged to be first to jump into the talking (unless you’re facilitating). Part 2: Emotional Intelligence Will Make You a Better ListenerĮxercising an attitude of listening with patience produces considerate conversations.Part 1: Every Good Listener Exhibits This One Vital Attitude: Choosing to Listen.This is part 3 in a series on developing a constructive listening attitude. We must enter conversations with the attitude of wanting to fully understand others, even people with whom we don’t agree.īelow I discuss seven ways that I find helpful for cultivating an attitude of genuinely listening to gain full understanding. But even when willingness does exist, using listening techniques only to ‘show’ that we’re listening, still loudly signals insincerity. Lack of desire to talk kills conversations. They were on a shopping mission and I was delaying them! So I excused myself and left them to it. But their body language and other non-verbal cues were screaming a different story. They asked some questions and seemed happy enough to see me. ![]() More than a year had passed since we last saw each other. I recently bumped into a friend at a store and we stopped for a brief chat.
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